This is a repost from several years ago....
What I've learned from years of mothering....
I was delighted when Mommy Mandy accepted my offer to guest post on her blog. I am known as "The Mom" to Mandy - she is the middle child of my three daughters. Raising my girls has given me such profound happiness. I would like to just share some of what I have learned over the years, sort of a "What I know for sure" as Oprah says.
Time goes much too fast. I know, I know - some of you are thinking will they ever sleep through the night, stop crying, do their homework themselves, or parallel park without hitting the curb? I learned early on to live in the moment. When my first child outgrew her 3 mo outfits I cried because that stage was over. My husband assured me that every stage from then on would be wonderful. He was so right - from infancy to taking them to college, each and every stage was wonderful, including the tough ones. I learned to be where my feet were, to live with them in the stage they were in at the moment. Don't be looking too far down the road.....
Take care of yourself! Part of the instructions for parents who fly is to remember that in an emergency the mother should put on her oxygen mask first before assisting her child. Sounds backwards, I'm sure, but they are correct. I learned I had to take care of the basics for myself if I wanted to do the best mothering I possibly could. For me, that meant getting up a half hour before my girls so I could shower and get properly dressed for the day. Schlepping around in pj's and slippers made me feel unable to do anything. There's an acronym I've used that has helped me - HALT. It means be on guard not to succumb to any of the following: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I made sure I ate 3 mostly healthy meals, went to bed early, kept in touch with grownups, ate a small amount of chocolate each day (stashed in the kitchen cabinet) and had at least an hour to myself each week.
Remember when you were that age? I worked very hard to think back to my own childhood and remember what certain phrases and behaviors used towards me felt like. How did it feel when I was made to sit at the table until I had eaten everything on my plate? Did it increase my love of vegetables? Hardly. How did it feel when you accidentally spilled something and were shouted at? Would it have felt better if your Mom said, "it's ok, we can clean it up." What would my Mother do for me when I was sick that helped me feel better? I also tried to remember that feeling when I would open my lunch bag at school on my birthday and find a special note and birthday napkin from my Mother. Look back and find the good memories that you can repeat with your kids.
They are so capable! Allow your kids to do as much for themselves as possible. Yes, sometimes it takes a little longer or requires your patience to show them, but the look of pride on their faces is worth every bit of effort on your part. Assigning them chores around the house is not punishment, it makes them feel part of the family. A sense of love and belonging is far more valuable than the latest tech toy.
You can not hold them enough ! There was a time when the so-called experts thought you would spoil a child if you held them. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I held mine so much I once asked, "Where's the baby" and there was Mandy right on my hip! She was just an extension of me. Some children need more holding than others. You will get to know your child and what works best for them. More than one? You'll learn that what works for one, may not work for another. That's ok - everyone is different.
Motherhood has been the most amazing journey. It has enriched me as a woman, a wife, and a friend. And now, thanks to Mandy and her wonderful husband, I am on the journey of being "Grandmom" to two darling girls who fill my heart with immense joy! Tips on that in another 30 years!
UPDATE: Grandchild #3, courtesy of Daughter #3 and her husband, will be arriving in October!
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