If you've ever left the bonds of gravity and flown the friendly skies, then you've heard the pre-flight instructions which urge parents to "put on your oxygen mask first before assisting those around you." The first time I heard it I thought they had it wrong. One should assist their children first, right? But in thinking it through I realized that of course, they were completely correct.
How could I assist my children or anyone else if I've passed out?
And as numerous women before me have pointed out in countless articles, the same practice applies to life in general. If I don't take care of myself, how can I possibly think I can take care of anyone else? Sounds great - in theory. But how do you put it into practice?
For me, I learned a few things early on in motherhood. For one thing, I am someone who needs to be aware of four areas of danger, remembered simply as "H.A.L.T." aka - hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Actually low blood sugar and lack of sleep are the biggest triggers to keep me from being my best. So I learned to set the clock and get up a half hour before my kids, get dressed for the day, and eat three meals a day, each of which should include protein.
There has been another important element for me, whether in the role of mother or caretaker
for my own mother, and that is to make sure I give myself a little treat now and then. And just as importantly, to acknowledge to myself when I have done so.
Years ago, that "treat" might have taken the form of sitting for a half hour with a new magazine and a cup of tea, spending time perusing the aisles of Barnes and Noble, or watching a re-run of Gilmore Girls.
During the years when my mother was very ill, I found time in my garden to be a wonderful way of recharging my battery so to speak.
These days, re-reading a favorite novel or browsing my favorite shop gives me a sense of peace.
There were other points equally important for me to always
remember. There are various "stages" to life and nothing lasts forever. Though it certainly felt that way sometimes. I can report from my own experience that you won't always be changing diapers, driving kids to ballet school, or picking up a bunch of kids from the high school dance. My mother's needs changed as the years went on, and I knew there would come the day when she would no longer be here. Reminding myself, frequently, that "it" - whatever that it was - would change or end, helped me get through some of the more challenging stages.
I tried to be mindful that sometimes there just wasn't going to be an opportunity for me to do what I wanted, rather than what I needed to do. And that was ok. I had volunteered to be a full time mom and later, to look after my mother. I needed to accept all that came with those choices.
I also needed to remind myself that I was the one responsible for making sure I took care of myself. If I didn't, there was no one else to blame. And when I did give myself a treat, to acknowledge that I had and not to moan to myself that "I never get a break."
And to have chocolate.
To be absolutely sure that there was an endless of supply of chocolate,
hidden in the pantry,
that was mine alone.
That has always been the most critical ingredient to a life well lived.
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